**WARNING** This chapter is for mature audiences only. Please do not read this if you do not want to see mature content. I wouldn’t read this at work or where your mother could catch you. The post is RATED R for sexuality. Really, really R. Please be advised. **WARNING**
Although he didn’t want to go, I took Alex back to his parents’ house in the morning. He didn’t protest too much, which I admired. I knew, even though he expected the worse, that he needed to confront his family.
“GC,” Dr. Fairbanks looked at me questioningly, when he opened the door. “It’s pretty early to be picking Becky up for a date, don’t you think?”
“Oh, um…I’m not here to meet Becky. I…ah…I actually brought Alex home,” I turned a little to motion Alex forward. He’d hung back by my truck, just seeing if his dad would be upset or happy to see him.
Mostly Dr. Fairbanks was confused. “Alex?”
“What are you doing here? Did you get a holiday or something?” Dr. Fairbanks looked happy to see his son, despite the confusion. I knew Alex hadn’t told him about being expelled, though.
“Ah, Dr. Fairbanks, can we come in?”
“Oh, GC, sure. Of course!” Dr. Fairbanks opened the door to let us in. “Alex, your mother is going to be overjoyed to see you. She loves surprises. I suppose that’s why you didn’t call or let any of us know.” He laughed. “And you, GC! You must have been in on it. Did Becky know?”
I was getting uncomfortable. “No sir. Becky didn’t know. I didn’t know either, until I saw Alex yesterday at the gym.”
“The gym?” Dr. Fairbanks looked at Alex, who kept his eyes downcast. Alex was fidgeting with his sweater, but he didn’t say anything.
“Um…” I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn’t. Alex needed to tell his parents what was going on with him. I wanted to be anywhere but there.
Just as the silence got to the point of awkwardness, I heard someone coming down the stairs. Becky.
“Who was at the door Dad?”
“It was GC,” Dr. Fairbanks said, “and Alex.”
“GC? Alex?” Becky flew down the remainder of the stairs and wrapped her brother up in a huge hug.
“Alex! You didn’t say you were coming home. Did you and GC plan this? This is the best surprise!” Becky let go of her brother and came to hug me.
“Actually, I didn’t know he was coming home either,” I said, but I was ignored.
“Alex, the flight must have been horrible. You look like death warmed over,” Becky said.
Dr. Fairbanks, who’d started picking up on the awkwardness before Becky came down, just looked at his son. His face registered concern, not anger, though. I figured I was probably right about the Fairbankses being a close family. Alex was worrying about his parents’ reaction to him being gay for no reason.
“Alex, are you sick? Is there something you need to tell us?” Dr. Fairbanks asked.
“No dad. I’m not sick.”
“But something is wrong, son.”
“We sort of went out for a couple of drinks last night,” I said, coming to Alex’s rescue, or so I thought.
“You went out drinking instead of coming home?” Becky asked. “And you didn’t even call me up?” She glared at me. Shit.
“Um, well, I saw Alex and he looked upset, like he needed someone to talk to, so I took him to the Watering Hole. We were playing shuffleboard and maybe we had to much to drink,” I tried to explain, but Becky just looked even angrier.
“Maybe we should sit down,” Dr. Fairbanks said. He still seemed concerned.
“Actually, I need to go,” I said. I didn’t really want to be a part of Alex’s family’s problems. Alex could fend for himself if he just told his parents how he was feeling.
“Wait,” Alex called after me as I was walking out. “I’m sorry for the trouble GC.”
“No problem Alex. Just tell your dad the truth. He’s a good listener even if he does ask a lot of questions. Let him know how you’re feeling. I don’t think it will be that bad.”
“I’ll call you later, GC. Thanks.”
Alex went back to talk to his dad and I went out to my truck. As I started the engine my passenger door opened and Becky hopped in.
“What are you doing?”
“Drive GC. Just drive.”
Shit. I didn’t know why she was being so pissed, but I knew I wouldn’t have long to find out.
“I can’t believe you didn’t call me GC.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think Alex wanted to talk to you guys. He thought you all hated him because he was gay.”
“That’s just bullshit!” Becky snorted. “My parents were surprised, but I knew all along and didn’t care.”
I shrugged, “I don’t know Beks. He just felt that way. I kinda figured it wasn’t a big deal for you guys.”
“You should have called me anyway. I could have come and gotten him. We could have talked it out.”
We rode in silence for awhile and then she asked, “Did he hit on you?”
I laughed. “Yeah. He was pretty drunk.”
Becky didn’t seem to find this as amusing as I did.
“You’re not his usual type,” she said. “Don’t be too flattered.”
“I didn’t think he really had a type. He told me that Rene was his only boyfriend. He hadn’t known he was gay before France.”
“Well, Rene was a real flamer,” she said. “Flamboyant and feminine. Nothing like you.”
“I knew Alex wasn’t really serious, Becky. I don’t know why this is a big deal. He was shit-faced drunk.”
I ended up taking Becky out to the Bistro for lunch mostly to get her off my back. She seemed a bit jealous that Alex had shown some interest in me. I knew I hadn’t been spending a lot of time with her, so I also agreed to take her to a show the next weekend.
“We’ll make a real date of it?” she asked hopefully. “You won’t have to leave early because you have to work the next day?”
“No. It will be a real date. I can stay out as late as you want,” I assured her.
As I suspected, once Alex spoke to his parents about his feelings about being gay and about not wanting to be a doctor, they were supportive. Dr. Fairbanks was disappointed, but he just wanted his son’s happiness.
“I didn’t think he’d give in this easily,” Alex told me while we were jogging one afternoon a few days after he got home. We’d started meeting at the gym and then going for runs after I got off of work.
“So what are you going to do now that you aren’t going to go into the family practice?”
“I think I’m going to be a vet,” Alex said, shocking the hell out of me.
“An animal doctor? I thought you didn’t want to be a doctor at all.”
“No, I just didn’t want to be a shrink. I’ve always loved animals. I get along with them and understand them sometimes better than people.”
“That’s cool,” I said. “So, I suppose you’ve got to go back to school after all.”
“Yes, but most of my pre-med studies transfer. I can get my veterinary license here in Twinbrook.”
“That’s great. I bet that will make your family happy. Race you to the end of the block,” I said, passing Alex in a burst of speed. We both liked to challenge each other to little contests like this. I laughed as I heard Alex call me a cheating ass-wipe from behind me.
Later, when we were walking through the park to cool down, I teased Alex about eating my dust on the run.
“Has it ever occurred to you that I let you win?” Alex asked me.
I punched him playfully in the arm. “You didn’t let me win. I can outrun you any day of the week! I fight fires for a living. Look at these guns!” I laughed, showing him my muscles. We were getting close to the fire station where we were planning to get a shower before going back to my place to eat with TJ and Roselyn.
“Nice biceps, but if I wanted to outrun you, I could. I like letting you win because I get to stare at your fine ass while you run.”
While I just stood their gaping at him, he gave me a hard slap on said ass and then yelled, “Beat you to the showers, Fireman!” as he took off running.
“Alex!” I was so surprised at the slap and the innuendo that I never quite got the burst of speed that I needed to catch him.
Or maybe I tried to lose to give Alex time to get to the shower first. It wouldn’t have been the first time that I had showered with other guys. I was on the wrestling and baseball teams in high school. Coach wouldn’t let any of us leave without showering up, so we all got pretty used to seeing each other’s junk. I wouldn’t have thought twice about showering with Alex after a run either, except that his remark about my ass had sort of gotten to me. Becky had said that I wasn’t Alex’s type, but maybe she was wrong. Did Alex like me?
No. I shook my head and followed him up to the station’s bathroom. Alex and I were just friends. He knew I wasn’t gay. He was just trying to tweak me so that he could beat me at a race. He hadn’t really been flirting.
But I couldn’t get the idea that Alex liked me out of my mind. We were hanging out almost every afternoon and evening. We ran, worked out, and played video games like guy friends do. We even watched sports on TV. Alex didn’t do anything that made me think that there was more to our friendship, but I couldn’t get him out of my mind.
And then I had the dream.
We were at the fire station just like we had been after our run that week. Only this time, Alex and I got to the showers at the same time. Like dreams do, one minute we were outside the station, and then next we were up in the showers together. It was like I was outside of my body, looking at the two of us. He got in before me and I stepped in behind him and then there was nothing but spray, but I knew that more was happening. Then the dream skipped again, and I was on the floor in one of the rooms the station had for when we had to pull late shifts. I don’t know why I was on the floor and not a bed, but I saw Alex sort of kneel over me and then dip his head down to my straining erection.
I woke up from the dream sweating. The only person who’d ever gone down on me was Becky. I had no idea why I’d dreamt of Alex doing it. Was I gay? I didn’t think so. I didn’t look at other men and fantasize about them. But then again, I really didn’t look at women and fantasize about them either.
I got out of bed. “Fucking dreams,” I muttered while I stretched. I adjusted myself in my shorts and then cursed again when I realized I was semi-aroused. I got up to take a shower. I took care of myself under the hot spray of the water. I did it matter-of-factly, without thinking of anyone, male or female. Then I washed myself off.
“What’s up with you GC?” TJ asked me at work that day. I’d been distracted ever since I came in.
“Nothing,” I said, getting back to the maintenance I was doing on the engine.
“It’s not nothing,” he pestered. “You’re acting like a complete ass. Are you and Becky fighting?”
“I’m not going out with Becky!” I snarled, hitting my thumb instead of the part I was working on. “Fuck!”
“Hey, no need for profanity!” TJ laughed. “And I thought you and Becky had a date tomorrow night?”
Shit. I’d forgotten. I had told Becky that I’d take her to the show at the theatre. I had promised her a real date complete with late night where most likely she’d want to do more than make out at the end of it.
“Becky and I are not dating,” I said again. “We’re just friends.”
“Better get that in writing GC. Becky seems like the type of girl who wants more than friendship.”
“She knows the score. We’ve never actually gone out.”
“But you have done more, haven’t you?”
“None of your business.”
TJ sighed. “Just be careful GC. Girls like Becky can get sort of crazy when you break their hearts. Don’t do anything to hurt her. Make sure she knows that there’s nothing more. And for goodness sake, don’t sleep with her again. That always sends the wrong message.”
“Thanks for the advice Dr. Phil,” I said sarcastically rolling my eyes. TJ slapped me on the back and let me get back to my job.
Then the fire alarm started blaring and I had to head out with the others to stop another blaze.
This time it was a house fire, though, and not arson. The old lady had left her waffles in the oven too long and they’d caught on fire. She was out in the garden and didn’t hear her alarm, so the fire spread. By the time she noticed, we were already on our way.
“Thank you for saving most of my house!” she gushed at us when we were done.
“It was nothing, ma’am,” TJ, the senior fireman on the job, said. I rolled my eyes at him from behind the old lady’s back.
I picked Becky up the next day and took her to dinner at the Bistro before we went to the theatre.
“This is nice GC,” she smiled, when I escorted her to the table on the patio I’d gotten for us. I thought that it would be nice to eat outside since it was such a mild evening.
“I wanted this to be a special night,” I said, which made her smile even more. “I know that I’ve been a lousy friend. I wasn’t meaning to avoid you.” Ok, so that was a lie, but I really only avoided her because I didn’t want to sleep with her again. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to hang out with her or stop being her friend.
“You’ve been spending more time with Alex than me,” Becky admonished me. “I was beginning to get jealous. Alex always was more popular than me.”
I smiled. “I’ve always liked you best, Beks. But you wouldn’t want to go to the gym with me. You always hated working out.”
She wrinkled her nose. “It’s so sweaty.”
“Yeah. And believe me, you wouldn’t like it. We run at least 5 miles and do about an hour of strength training.”
“Ick. You guys are insane.”
“Well, a fireman has to stay in shape.”
“But what about Alex? What’s his excuse?”
“I don’t know. I guess he just likes working out.”
“Or maybe he likes ogling all of the other sweaty guys in the room.”
“Ew. Now that is gross,” I said, but privately I thought she might be right. At least I thought that Alex had been ogling me sweating in the gym. And I really wasn’t sure how I felt about that, either. I should be grossed out that another man found me attractive, but I wasn’t.
Was I gay, too? I wasn’t checking Alex out. I had never really thought about him that way. If I was gay, shouldn’t I be turned on when he sweat? Wouldn’t I like that?
“GC, what are you thinking about?”
“Um…nothing. There was a fire yesterday.” Smooth recovery.
“Not another arson fire?”
“No. This one was a house fire. An old lady burned her waffles and half of her kitchen down.”
“Yeah. And then TJ was all Ah, shucks it was nothin’ and he called her ma’am. I thought that was funny.”
We continued to make small talk for the rest of the meal. I tried to keep my mind off of Alex. I was on a date with his sister. I shouldn’t be thinking of him.
The show at the Theatre was entertaining and we had a good time. By the end of it, I had put Alex out of my mind. Afterwards, I took Becky back to my apartment. I knew that she wanted to be alone with me. She was still living with her parents, so we couldn’t go there.
Of course Becky was excited about the prospect of sleeping with me again. She was practically plastered against my side in the truck and her hand rubbed up and down on my thigh, inching ever closer to my crotch.
“Becky,” I hissed, when she finally touched me there. “Be careful. I have to concentrate on the road. I don’t want to get a ticket.”
She laughed. “You watch the road and I will concentrate on this,” she said, giving me a playful squeeze. Then I felt her unzip my pants.
“Becky!” I swerved when I felt her hand wrap around me, pumping me.
I have no idea how I made it home. I was ready to explode, though, by the time we got to my driveway and pulled into the garage.
“Let’s do it here,” Becky suggested, undoing her seatbelt and climbing into my lap. She pressed down on me so I could feel her wetness through her panties.
“Fuck,” I said.
“Yes,” she agreed.
She lifted up so that I could pull those wet panties off. She lowered herself onto me, but I managed to stop her before she got too far.
“Condom,” I hissed.
She shifted so that I could get the little packet out of my wallet. I was grateful as heck that I had remembered to put one in there.
Finally protected, Becky impaled herself on me fully. I groaned as she rose up and then down again. Then I grabbed her hips and helped her move faster, pushing into her as far as I could.
I thought for sure I would come before her, but as I lost control, I felt her do the same. And as I came, I thought, “I can’t be gay if I can come this hard with a girl.” But that was a lie because as I looked into Becky’s green eyes, I saw Alex’s violet ones. I ran my hands through Becky’s strawberry blond hair, and pictured Alex’s flaxen waves.
“Fuck,” I said.
“Yes,” Becky agreed, but she didn’t know why I was swearing.
Going into the house, we arranged ourselves enough so that if we’d encountered TJ or Roselyn, they probably wouldn’t have suspected what we’d been up to in the garage, but we didn’t see them. I knew immediately, that our little adventure in the truck wasn’t going to be the end of the night. Becky was a really sexual girl. She’d wanted me for months and I’d been putting her off. Now she had me and she wasn’t going to let me go.
“I want you again,” she said, kissing me fiercely, biting down on my lip. I imagined Alex doing the same thing. I wondered if his lips would be soft like Becky’s or harder.
I kissed her back. In between kisses, we removed our clothes. I fondled Becky’s breasts. I knew that Alex wouldn’t have breasts. Would he like it if I sucked his nipples like I sucked Becky’s? I wondered if I’d like it if someone sucked on mine. Maybe?
We were still standing when we were fully naked. I remembered that the last time we’d almost had sex at my apartment, Becky had wanted to do it standing up against the door in my room. She seemed to want something similarly forceful now. But I had a different position in mind. I maneuvered us over to the couch.
Alex had slept there the night he’d stayed over at my place. He’d crashed in a drunken stupor. Becky was wide awake and looking at me like she could eat me alive. I wasn’t going to let her.
She did. I pushed her to her knees and told her what I was going to do, how I was going to do it.
“Now, GC,” she said, as demanding as always. This time, though, I complied. I positioned myself and took her from behind. The whole time I kept thinking that this is how it would be with Alex.
And then in mid stroke I realized what I was doing: I was fantasizing about a man.
That wasn’t right. I should have been thinking about Becky. So I pulled out of her, causing her to moan in disappointment. But when I turned her to face me, sliding into her again, she sighed with pleasure.
I forced myself to look at Becky and think only of her as we continued, but then she cried out, “Oh god GC, I love you!” as she came a second time.
That broke my heart. I held her as she shuddered. I kissed her, told her that she was beautiful, and put my head on her heart. We stayed that way for awhile. I hadn’t come, so I was still fully lodged inside her.
“GC, what’s wrong?”
“I think there is.” Becky wiggled on me, trying to get me to let her up or continue, but I held on.
“Don’t move, Beks.”
“Why? Afraid you’re going to come?”
“No. Yeah. Maybe.”
“Don’t you want to?” She shifted again.
“GC,” she begged.
I sighed. I was either going to have to tell Becky that I couldn’t love her like she loved me, or I was going to have to finish what I started. I was still hard inside her, so I opted for the latter.
“Keep your legs around me, Beks,” I said, the only warning I gave her as I started to stand.
“Oh, god!” she gasped as the movement slid me even farther into her, probably hurting her a little.
I held her to me as I walked us to the bedroom. This would be our last time together, I promised myself. I was going to make it a good one for her because I suspected she was going to hate me after I told her what I was beginning to suspect about myself.
“GC, what are you doing?” she asked, as I laid her down on the bed. I knelt between her legs, reaching down to touch her. “Shh,” I said, as I dipped my head “You liked this last time.” As I touched my mouth to her, I hoped that Becky would forgive me.
Because, by the time I allowed myself to come, it wasn’t Becky’s name I screamed. I was behind her again, pushing into her one last time, and I deliberately said the name I’d been thinking about all night: